Sunday, 18 December 2016

THOUGHTS | YOU ARE MORE

It's 3am and these were some thoughts: 

I am someone who adores the spark in my loved one’s eyes, as if there is no lie or deceit.

I am not my degree, someone who is bound by handcuffs to only have one interest or passion.
  Someone who has to read two books every week and yet feel ashamed leaving the seminar class as I was too exhausted to finish so I read the last chapter summary on Spark notes on the bus.

A vegetarian who fell in love with animals and swore to never harm. 

Someone who fell in love with cooking as if I could create a beautiful, delicious meal I could live another day and do it again.

Someone who is at a was with their own mind who is drowning and crumbling under boulders when all they are searching for is peace and silence in the crowd.Is the fact that my bed is not made going to hurt my family or make me fail my exams, realistically probably not.

I am someone who loves unconditionally and silently as walls are too high to climb.

Someone who loves dancing till my feet are screaming for slippers instead of heels.

But also lying in bed an hour after I wake up wondering how the world came about whilst thinking if Mildred is the right name for my stuffed bear.

I am someone who is silent, yet loud, extrovert yet introvert.  Someone who can feel like they can travel anywhere, learn any language, bleeding with independence and ready for adulthood.  Yet riddled with self-doubt and feeling like I should be back in Primary 1, sitting on the floor at assembly on the first day wishing I could start again.

Snapping back into reality with less than 24 hours to write a 2,500 words on the importance of something that may seem relevant now but won’t in 25 hours.

Someone who is realising that the card that has been dealt is your card, no swapping like the in the game of poker.Your card is what you get and are, at times unfortunately, are stuck with while you contemplate whether to fold or to stay in the game.

But it is worth seeing all the possibilities as there is always more than one.

I am a bundle of imperfections, striving for the impossibilities of the perfection of my own world.

But I am also someone who is proud to love and not bound by the limitations and restrictions of gender or race.  

Someone who believes that everything has an element of beauty.

Love, Tay.


Friday, 12 August 2016

TRAVEL | AMSTERDAM 2016

Oh, Amsterdam...

Last week I took a break with my friends from university and we went to travel the beautiful city of wonders that is Amsterdam during Pride week. Amsterdam is the most sensational city I have ever been to.  The feeling of anything goes and anything can happen just resonates with you as soon as you step off that plane. 



Amsterdam has more than 150 canals, 1250 bridges, 170 nationalities, 500 red light windows, thousands of nooks and crannies of coffee shops and souvenir shops and millions of bikes. Although there is so much going on around you, it never ever feels crowded, never any shred of anxiety when walking through all the different people from different walks of life just living peacefully and blissfully amongst one another.

one of many cannals


Amsterdam is the city of love, acceptance and freedom.  Walking through the pride street party, I was overwhelmed by happiness and love. There was no sense of being afraid to be exactly who you are.  Every single person was bursting with individuality and it was so sensational to see people expressing themselves and their sexuality without fear. Proud to love, love freely and openly. Always.

Pride <3


The city of history, architecture and art.  The Rijksmuseum had the most stunning architecture I had ever seen, being someone who adores art, it was my haven. If you are an artist of just an art appreciator, the Rijksmuseum needs to be on everyone’s to-do list. The Van Gough museum was visually stunning also.  However, the ultimate highlight of the tourist attractions for me was the Anne Frank House.  Myself and three of my friends waited an hour and a half (didn’t feel that long as we had our witty banter to pass the time). The struggle and the beauty of Anne Frank’s strength is inspiring to no end.  The way the museum handled the house and the possessions of Anne Frank and that of her family was so respectful and beautiful to see.  It brought a tear to my eye as it is very real and you are taken back to that time, to really try to understand the struggle that was all too real for Anne Frank herself.



Rijksmuseum 
so beautiful.
The city itself was just magical, there was no sense of obligations, you could just wander the streets, admiring the beauty through the sunny days and the long nights. Enjoy the pleasures in life of friends, laughter, sex, art, architecture, cuisine (oh the food… Wok to Walk was my personal favourite, so delicious!), and so much more.

Riding bikes through Vondelpark

Obviously, in Amsterdam there are a few things that are legal, that is not in the UK. Myself and my friends took a peak in the red light district and the coffee shops and I have come to the realisation that Amsterdam is the most accepting and chilled out city. Britain, I have found, can be a little bit of a prude. It is the exact opposite in Amsterdam. There is no shame and at first, I’ll admit it is strange to see, but it really is an eye opener to see the beliefs of another country. That to which is so different from my own. In all honestly, sex is nothing to be ashamed of, it is a perfectly natural thing to do (further blog post on this topic)



funky art on the walls in our hotel.



Thank you Amsterdam for opening my eyes and my heart, I will see you soon.

Love,
Tay


Saturday, 16 July 2016

ADVICE | UNIVERSITY

For those of you who don’t know I am studying English and Psychology at university.  I am halfway through university and I feel like there are lessons I have taken on board that I want to share with you guys.



1.     You will find a lot about the diversity of people.  For example, I was not very educated on the subject of gender. One of the bravest people I know and a best friend of mine is transgender.  It is amazing to see how much he has grown in the past 10 months.  His strength, beauty and resilience is an inspiration to me every day.

2.     Adding to this, you are going to meet so many people who are on different paths and it truly is so important that you accept them and be there for them.  You have no idea what anyone is going through or what kind of day the really have had. All you can do is bae kind and respectful. Listening.  Listening is always a good idea.  Educate yourself on issues of sexuality, gender and mental health as just being around someone who understands, or is at least trying to can often be the biggest relief.

3.     There are going to be times where it all just gets a little too much.  When I feel that way sometimes all I need is to spend time by myself. It works wonders. You need to rejuvenate if your brain and your body are working too hard to keep you sane.  So just breath and take some time to just take a walk, read, write or even just to lie, a nap is also always a good idea (except if you have an essay due very shortly, get it done to the best of your ability, then chill. But take care of your health, literal and mental

4.     Grades are more important that parties. Work your bloomin arse off.  Your assignments come first. You are at university to get a degree, so work for it. Get your work done first and then go play that game of ring of fire. Less stressful that way. Trying to finish an essay whilst hungover and being due in an hour.  Worst feeling, so stressful.  Done it once in first year and never again.

5.     Adding on to that point. Do not feel pressured into drinking at university (or in general). Sometimes it is even more fun to laugh at all the silliness everyone gets up to.  Just do your own thing.

6.     Be neutral.  In your flat, there will most likely be a clash or personalities. However, I try my best to do this in all my friendship. Unless there is an obvious moral high ground, I tend to not take sides and just be supportive of both my friends. But if you are the one in the fight do not be afraid or too proud to admit when you are in the wrong or just being a dick because you were stressed, everyone is stressed. So do not take your anger out on anyone and apologise asap if you do.
  
7.     You can deal with a lot more shit than you think. In first year I suffered a lot with anxiety and OCD (if you want me to do a post about that and how I deal with those hurdles in my life let me know in the comments) and it was horrendous.  But it is just temporary, just breath. You can deal with it.

8.     You will get to know yourself in ways you did not think was possible; beliefs, sexuality, habits, tolerations, passions, and so much more. It’s exciting, let it happen. Getting to know yourself is an essential thing, it helps you cope with troubles.

9.     Savour everything. Enjoy everything. The tears, the heartache, the horrendously embarrassing photos on facebook from the night before., the late nights, the takeout food at 3am. It is all part of the experience. 

10.  HAVE FUN. Just enjoy being at university, it goes by way too fast and it is stressful as hell but it is insanely worthwhile.  My two bits of advice would be to do your own thing and work your arse off!

 I wanted to do this primarily as before I went to university I was so excited to start but I was terrified that I would not like it.  But honestly do not worry, just breath!  Also if you are currently at university or have finished, how was your university experience, let’s get a conversation going to help those starting in September!

Love, Tay.


Monday, 11 July 2016

TRAVEL | CANADA


Getting away from your usual routine really frees your mind of all negativity and just embraces creativity. Your senses are on fire with your new surroundings and the beauty that you are breathing in.

One of my favourite places in the entire world in Canada. It is the place I feel most at home and most comfortable with myself.  However unfortunately for me I was born in the UK. My mothers’ side of the family lives out there (lucky bastards) and I have visited Canada often throughout my life, but in my eyes not often enough. 

A year ago I hopped on a plane to Vancouver with my family and left all my troubles in the UK.  Spending time with my family whilst touring BC and Alberta was the most amazing experience of my life to date. Seeing my family and I felt so alive and so fresh.  Canadians, you are lucky souls to live in such a glorious country. 

However, being away for a whole month gave me new insights, new perspectives, new experiences and I felt so new and alive. I had a lot of time to just consider my life and my circumstances at that time back in the UK and I came to many conclusions. 

  But first let me show you the beautiful country that is Cadana, particularly the west coast. Which included Vancouver, Whistler, Revelstock, Calgary, Fort MacLeod, Canmore, Banff, Golden, Lake Louise, Jasper, Kamloops, Vancouver Island - Victoria and then back to Vancouver.

Here are a few snaps I took of this beautiful country!



















As you may tell, we visited a lot of places, Vancouver was probably my favourite, just beautiful, with the skyscrapers, the harbour and Stanley park.  Just being in Vancouver, I felt so creative and just the need to be happy and healthy in my life! I have come to the conclusion that after I have finished university I will be moving to Vancouver; it is where I feel like my heart belongs.


 I also had the ability to take part in the most thrilling activities of going horseback riding through the rockies, flyover Canada, white water rafting. Oh you Canadians, I do love you and your sensationally beautiful country so much.
Let me know in the comments where your favourite places are and why I would love to know.

Keep exploring,

Love, Tay.

SCREW LABELS


 I have been thinking a lot about the Orlando tragedy a lot recently and my heart goes out completely to all the people who are survivors of the tragic event and what they must be feeling.  My heart also goes out to all the loved ones of the people who lost their life that night.  What has this world came to? Seriously? Just let people be themselves, it is none of your concern what gender they identify as, who they fall in love with it is none of your concern.  JUST LET PEOPLE BE HAPPY.


image taken from google images

There has been a complete sense of community on twitter recently, just full of support for the Orlando victims and also for the family and friends of Christina Grimmie, who was killed the night before this tragedy.  Christina Grimmie was a huge influence to me, she made me realise that it is okay to be yourself and it even better to be weird and silly sometimes.  She will be greatly missed.

I have been seeing a lot of posts by her friends and devoted fans saying how talented she was, how hilarious she was and how inspiring she was to this world. Yes I do believe she was all of these things. But she was also so much more. She was beautiful, a gamer, a lover of music and seeing bands. This got me thinking that we are not one thing. There are so many aspects our personalities that mash together to make you, you.

 I am going to let you know what I identify as parts of me. I would like to note that I don't ever see the point of labels, it just creates discrimination for no reason whatsoever.  I encourage you all to do the same thing. Diversity is beautiful you guys. 

  In no particular order; 

I am... 
female and I identify as female
not a girly girl 
demiromantic
an animal activist and completely against animal cruelty 
a feminist 
a vegetarian and merging into veganism
a music and mario obsesser. 
a lover of all things old looking and strange
not completely completely comfortable with my body 
sexually active
very interested in genetics and heritability
a psychology and English student at university and particular interested in mental illnesses and the treatment due to personal reasons
a writer
an artist 
scottish but I belong in Canada as that is where my family is from
a Canadian obsessor. 
understanding
open minded and a lover of nature and all that is around me
a person who cand eeply understand mental health disorders
extremely curious
a buddist 
a tattoo lover
addicted to laughter 
obsessed with Elvis Presley, LOTR, Simon and Garfunkel, FRIENDS (TV), Orphan Black and many many films.
unsure what I want ever. 

I strongly encourage you all to do this to get rid of this idea that we can only be one thing and we can also get to know each other more! 
Feel free to follow and comment with what you identify as I would love to read them.

Keep believing and doing you,

Love, Tay.

Sunday, 3 July 2016

THOUGHTS | HAPPINESS

Happiness has an individual meaning to different people.  It can possibly mean that you get job you have always dreamed of or you make that starting step into raising your own family.  These are the answers I tend to get when I ask people:
     “What does happiness mean to you?”

However, they are not answering my question.  I want to know what happiness is, not how you can achieve it. Happiness is a state of mind.  Where you are content and you find the joy to any situation. It is our reason to get up every morning. Everyone is attempting to achieve happiness in their own way.

We seem hardwired to pursue happiness.  We are so determined to gain whatever we think will make us happy that we are missing out on all the little thing, such as appreciating that sunny day, or having inside jokes with your friends.  Many of us strive immensely to pass that exam with the highest A grade. Or to have the perfect relationship or the perfect figure. There is no such thing as perfect.  Society has forced us into a false perception of what is acceptable in terms of the outward appearance, and what we ‘need’ to do to achieve that.

image from google images.

“Maybe you just have to live for the small things like being called pretty or someone picking up the pen you dropped or laughing so hard that your stomach hurts. Maybe that’s all that really matters at the end of the day”
-Tianna Kavanagh

A homeless man could have nothing going for him, no job, friend or family.  But he has a dog. This man still finds that small glimmer of hope to get up in the morning to feed that dog, to play with that dog.  He is content with his situation. He may not be 100% perky at all time but who is? It is impossible for us humans to be happy all the time, it cannot be done. Although, there are many external factors that decrease our chances at happiness.

At the end of the day beauty is in the eye of the beholder.  Focusing on how much the perception of beauty has changed in the past five years. I can guarantee that it will change again and it will change again and there will be a new idea of what is considered beautiful and accepted in today’s society. What will not change is that health equals happiness.

Put your energy into what you have going for you.  Honesty, compassion and generosity.

Love, Tay.


WRITING | Poetry

image taken from quozio.com

This is just a poem I wrote that I wanted to share with you guys.  I wrote it in my creative writing class and just previously a serious long term relationship ended.  I was heart broken, but I picked myself back up and I have revisited the poem.  A year later, I am in a new relationship with one of the greatest people I have ever had the pleasure of knowing.  The poem is about both, where there is heart break but time heals and time moves on and you can breathe again and be happy.  

I met him. 
It is fun. It is exciting. 
He is cute.
It is so new.
It is so simple.
Is it the real thing?

We're together
It is scary, there are doubts. 
It is not fun anymore. 
W argue, but the bond is still there.
Can it be broken?

I can't feel him around me.
He is just not here.
He found another love.
My heart is broken.
My lost love, 

He is gone forever.
The memories are strong and they hurt. 
Though some will fade.
I miss him. 
But, he's no longer mine to miss

It is time to move on.
There is music. There is dancing.
There is friendship.
I met him.
It is fun.

This was my first try at poetry.  But I really enjoyed it.  Time is a healer and life moves on.  Amazing things are to come. Poetry is beautiful and true.  I will be exploring it further in later studies at university and if you want me to continue to share my writing projects just let me know in the comments.

Love, Tay.

THOUGHTS | KINDNESS

Image taken  from google images.


My mum told me to be kinder than you feel and to treat people as you wish you to be treated.  However, being as I moved through education, from primary school, to high school and now being in University. That lesson was the one I kept having to keep in the forefront of my mind. Especially with all the drools

of high school; the bitchiness, the gossip and the crushes. 


Now as I am now in University I still remain true to myself and doing my best to be kinder than I feel.  However, you need to be careful so that people do not take advantage of that.  I have recently found myself in that situation. I suffer from anxiety, I close into myself, doing my best not burden my friends so that they don't catch me not being the ‘perfect’ friend.  Even though my friends are sensational and have helped me deal with my anxiety. Although when I accidentally snap at close friends of mine if I am irritable or just having a bad day as WE ALL HAVE BAD DAYS. 

 It is almost like as I do my best to be as kind and as open as I can all the time and especially in university with all the stress of deadlines, the lack of sleep and the self-inflicted illnesses (as you may or may not have been out the night before...) it can sometimes be difficult.  So when if I snap, it almost comes to a shock to my friends so they get almost shocked and it hurts more than it seems it should. Seemingly one rule for everyone, then another for me.   Of course, this is not the case but your mind does over-exaggerates everything when you are stressed or overwhelmed.


Just Breathe and never think you are too big to apologize.  That is the best advice I can possibly give. Arguments were never solved with more arguments. So, just breathe and talk.  Express how you are feeling as if you keep it inside it will just eat at you. You can never know what someone else is thinking or feeling exactly.  So cut them some slack and they should do the same for you.

Kindness and patience are humanities greatest gifts.

We are all just trying to figure out a way around the troubles of life and find happiness in the small areas.

Love, Tay.

LIFE | BUCKET LISTS


I am 20 years old now and the list has amended over the years.  Although I thought I would share that just some of those items, in no particular order.  But I do not think these things are out of the question, I can dream.  I will fight and do whatever I can to make my contribution to make this world a happier, more equal and safer world to live in.  Everyone can dream and everyone can do their part.
I think having a bucket list is an awesome thing to do.  It keeps your goals in check and it also satisfies my list making obsession. Bucket lists also help me have control over my life by preparing for my future full of possibilities. 


1. TRAVEL - see everywhere, open my eyes to the natural beauty that is all around me. If you want me to do a blog post of all the places I want to go and then document them when I do, I will. 

2. Write a book. Writing has always been a love of mine and its never too late to achieve your dreams.

3.Volunteer in Africa or India building houses or in an orphanage or helping in whatever way I can.

3. Volunteer in an animal shelter.

4.  Do my best to stop animal testing.

5. Get my university degree in English and Psychology.

6. Figure out what to do with my degree.

7. Live in Canada and spend time my extended family, preferably Vancouver.

8. Live with my best friends - in commencement 

9. Live in my own apartment and just create.

10.  Start my own business and be my own boss.

11. Be the best friend, girlfriend, daughter, sister I can be

12. Love everyone unconditionally 

13.  Never stop trying to deal with negativity in my life so it does not affect me as much long-term
14. Get control over my anxiety.

15.Stop comparing myself to my siblings, They are their own person and I am mine. 

16. Learn that no one is perfect and no one will every be but everyone is beautiful.

17. Have a family of my own and teach them everything I know and help them grow. 

18. Learn a new language fluently, possibly Italian and Spanish.  Then live in that country for a period of 6 months or so.

19. Learn more about the unbelievable strength of my mother and my sister.
20. Be happy and send it on.

Those are some items on my bucket list.  I view every day as chance to make it better than the day before to try and improve on areas you are struggling with. My dream is that everyone achieves their bucket lists and just forget all the negativity and be happy.

"And while I can think, while I can talk. While I can stand, while I can walk. While I can dream, please let my dream come true.  Right now, let it come true right now" .... or soon. 
-Elvis Presley (my love)

- Just do your best at achieving your own version of happiness.

Love, Tay.

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